Dissociation: Learning to Work With It Instead of Against It
Many of us experience dissociation in one form or another. Sometimes it shows up as “spacing out,” losing track of time, or feeling like the world isn’t quite real. Other times, it can feel like being on autopilot, disconnected from your body, or even outside of yourself. For some, it’s more of a numbing or paralyzed feeling—as if everything has slowed down or gone flat inside.
While these experiences can feel strange, frightening, or shameful, dissociation is not a sign of being “broken.”
It’s actually the nervous system doing its best to protect you. Dissociation is a survival strategy—an ancient, built-in response designed to keep us safe when life becomes overwhelming. Like all strategies, it has both strengths and limitations. Instead of trying to “get rid of” dissociation, a more compassionate approach is to get curious about it, learn what it’s communicating, and discover ways to work with it differently.
The Nervous System and the Window of Tolerance
Our brains and bodies are designed to keep us alive. The window of tolerance—a concept introduced by Dr. Dan Siegel—describes the range of arousal where we can function effectively: feeling emotions, thinking clearly, and staying present.
When we’re inside this window, we can engage with life in a flexible, connected way. But when something feels too intense or unsafe, our system moves outside of that range into survival modes:
Hyperarousal (fight/flight): The body speeds up—heart racing, muscles tense, thoughts quickening. This is the “do something!” state.
Hypoarousal (freeze/collapse/dissociation): The body slows down or shuts off—numbness, paralysis, exhaustion, disconnection. This is the “go away” state.
Dissociation sits on the lower end of the window, part of the freeze or collapse response. It’s what happens when fight or flight aren’t possible. The nervous system essentially says, “This is too much. I’ll protect you by numbing out or shutting down.”
Dissociation as Feedback
Rather than viewing dissociation as a problem to fix, we can understand it as feedback—a message from the nervous system. It might be saying:
“This feels too much right now.”
“I need distance or protection.”
“I’m overloaded and need to conserve energy.”
“It doesn’t feel safe to move or act yet.”
When we can pause and notice, dissociation becomes a cue for gentleness and curiosity rather than shame or fear.
Different Flavors of Dissociation
Dissociation exists on a spectrum, and your experience might shift from day to day. Some common forms include:
Mild detachment: daydreaming or zoning out.
Emotional numbing: feeling disconnected from emotions.
Physical numbing or paralysis: feeling heavy, frozen, or unable to move.
Depersonalization: feeling separate from your body or watching yourself from outside.
Derealization: the world feels unreal or dreamlike.
Time loss or gaps: losing chunks of time or memory.
Each of these can be a protective mechanism—your body’s best effort to manage what feels unmanageable.
A Note of Caution
Dissociation is a normal human response, but there are times when it’s important to seek extra support. Reach out for help if:
Dissociation interferes with daily life or relationships.
You lose time or find yourself in unsafe situations without memory.
It’s linked with self-harm urges or intense flashbacks.
You feel isolated or cut off from reality for long stretches.
A trauma-informed therapist or somatic practitioner can help you explore these experiences safely and gently widen your window of tolerance.
Working With Dissociation
The goal isn’t to eliminate dissociation but to expand your capacity to return to connection when you choose. Helpful grounding practices include:
Peppermint oil or gum: strong sensory input reconnects you to the present.
Activating breaths: short, energizing inhales (like “sniff-sniff-exhale”) can wake up the body.
Temperature shifts: splash cold water, hold an ice cube, or use warmth to reawaken sensations.
Grounding touch: press your feet into the floor, feel textures, or use a weighted blanket.
Movement: shake, stretch, or walk briskly—especially useful when frozen or paralyzed.
Orientation: name five things you see, four you feel, three you hear.
Gentle curiosity: “I notice I’m far away right now. That’s okay. What might I need to feel a little more here?”
These tools send signals of safety to the body, helping it re-engage gradually.
Training and Healing the Nervous System
Over time, it’s possible to train your nervous system so that dissociation becomes less of an automatic response. Healing isn’t about pushing through or forcing yourself to stay “on,” but about teaching your body that connection to a stressful moment and safety can coexist.
Here are ways to support that process:
Build capacity slowly. Gradually expose yourself to mild activation (like noticing a difficult feeling or sensation) while staying grounded. With repetition, your system learns it can tolerate more without shutting down.
Practice co-regulation. Safe connection with others—eye contact, gentle conversation, or shared laughter—helps your body remember what calm connection feels like.
Tend to your body. Regular sleep, nutrition, hydration, and gentle exercise support nervous system stability.
Use rhythm and routine. Predictability—daily walks, consistent meals, bedtime rituals—gives your body a sense of safety.
Engage in body-based therapies. Somatic Experiencing, EMDR, yoga, breathwork, and trauma-informed movement practices can help the nervous system complete defensive responses and re-establish flow.
Cultivate self-compassion. The way you talk to yourself matters. Soothing self-talk (“I’m safe now,” “My body’s doing its best”) helps calm the stress response over time.
Stay curious about triggers. Notice what situations or sensations tend to lead to dissociation. Understanding patterns helps you anticipate and support yourself before you shut down.
As you practice these skills, you may find that your system spends more time within your window of tolerance—able to feel, connect, and stay present more often. Dissociation may still show up, but less as a sudden shutdown and more as a familiar visitor you know how to gently guide home.
Closing Thought
Dissociation doesn’t mean something is wrong with you—it means your system learned how to protect you. As you heal and retrain your nervous system, the need for protection can soften. You can widen your capacity for connection, safety, and presence—learning not just to cope with dissociation, but to understand it, befriend it, and return to yourself when you’re ready.
Healing isn’t about erasing the past; it’s about teaching your body that the present can be safe.
Dr. Rosemary Rukavina is a licensed psychologist based in Burnaby, BC, specializing in EMDR and Couples therapy. She helps individuals work through trauma, anxiety, burnout, relationship issues, and other mental health concerns using evidence-based techniques. Dr. Rukavina offers a compassionate and grounded approach to support clients on their journey toward healing and growth. Learn more.
*This blog post was developed with the assistance of AI, which helped organize and enhance the content. The final content has been reviewed and refined to ensure it aligns with our values and to ensure it provides valuable insights to our readers.
